People are strange
At the party I met a lovely lady whose children went to school with the hosts' children. She was shocked that I had brought my children to sleep in the spare room and asked why I didn't let my nanny babysit. I told her I didn't have a nanny. This is very unusual in Dubai and not a concept that some people find easy to understand. It is even more shocking to some women to learn that the reason it really is not hard for me to look after my two children without the help of permanent live-in staff is that my husband is every bit as capable as me in every aspect of looking after our children (although he has yet to get lactating down pat). One woman actually shrieked and grabbed her husband to witness when Mr S , not me, went to settle Sprog to sleep shortly after we arrived.
So, I am often fiercely grilled as to why I don't have a nanny. Last night I said that we simply didn't have the room in our house to put up a nanny.
- Couldn't she sleep in with the children, in their room?
- Um, no. Not really. A third bed would make the room awfully crowded.
- Ha ha! No! She wouldn't need a bed. Just a bed roll which she can store away during the day.
- Yeh... anyway... she'd still need a room wherever she slept and we don't have a spare room.
- Why would she need a room?
- To keep her clothes? Her things?
- Oh mine has a cupboard in the children's bathroom for that.
- Your nanny sleeps on the floor of your children's room?
- Yes of course.
- But don't you live in Emirates Hills?
- Yes. In a five-bedroom villa!
- And you only have two children?
- Yes.
- So you must have spare rooms?
- Well, yes, but I need them.
- Hang on, the Emirates Hills places all have maid's rooms.
- Yes, but I wanted the maid's room for my study.
- But there's...
- My husband has the main study.
- But still...
- Yes, the children actually share a room, and I have a sewing room, and we've not decided what to do with the last bedroom yet.
- You have a room standing empty and a woman sleeping on the floor of your children's room? Why not let the nanny have the extra room?
- Oh, I don't think I like the idea of her having her own space. I wouldn't know what she was up to.
- This is a woman you trust enough to take on the entire care of your children, but not to read a book in private?
I didn't say the last bit. I smiled politely and walked away.
I checked this out with friends and have learned that apparently my good friend F also has her nanny sleeping on the floor of her son's room, despite having a large en-suite spare room standing empty.
And when V went to stay with her Mother-in-Law and took her nanny with her, MiL would not let the nanny sleep in the empty, spare, twin bed in the children's room. She did not want staff sleping in the family beds and so the nanny slept on the floor on a bed roll next to an empty spare bed.
Comments
I wonder what their children think of it all.
These are people who have grown up with house staff. All are Asian. Truly, these are nice, educated, normal people. This is why the ads looking for home help work in Classifides want to work for white families. Even the nicest Indian / Pakistani / Sri Lankan families are likely to make demands that a family not used to having live in staff wouldn't dream of.
I have an ongoing argument with my friend V that people should have a day off. Even just one, per week. V disagrees and says that asking someone to work 7 days a week is a simple financial transaction. I don't agree because the people taking the house staff jobs out here are so bloody disadvantaged that they have no choice but to take it and work all hours, all days. It's not like they'll be paid more for working all week as opposed to 6 days.
And the children. Yes. This is exactly where the whole thing is just unbelievable. The idea of bringing my children up to think it is okay for someone to sleep on the floor while everyone else gets a bed... words fail me. Well, all the polite words fail me anyway.
Mind you, as you can imagine, it doesn't take long for plenty of people not used to having staff to get right into the Dubai way of doing things. Such is human nature.
I have an English friend who was excitedly telling me that she is going to let her maid's husband move into the maid's room with her. Most employers strictly forbid their maid's from letting boyfriends / husbands into their rooms. But, as my friend pointed out, it really made no difference to her and the result would be a happier maid, and the husband will tend the garden / wash the cars every day / do all the outside jobs for free!
I can relate. My parents moved the family to South Africa when I was 12. (My uncle lived there and offered my Dad a job.)
The incident that sticks in my mind the most is when my Mum was sat on the floor hemming her floor-length curtains with a needle and thread. My friend's mother stopped by and saw my Mum hunched over the curtains. The woman asked: "why don't you get your n****r to do that?"
My Mum's jaw dropped that I think it was at that point that she realized that she definitely not in Canada anymore. We never had a maid or a garden boy or a nanny. In either country. And we have certainly never had anything or anyone that we would refer to as a n****r!
It's just a different mentality.
We lasted 9 looooooong months and then rushed home to Canada.
They're not that well-educated if they think that's an acceptable way to treat a person. Horrid horrid selfish people.
Culture schmulture. Am very much on board with the children not sleeping alone thing. Neither of mine sleep alone. Fine to employ someone to sleep in the same room as your children. They still need a BED and a room and a day off and some private space.